Lowered Expectations

Does anyone remember that segment from MAD TV with unfortunate-looking people in search of a boyfriend/girlfriend called “Lowered Expectations”? I love the opening scene when it shows that overweight couple walking along the beach in thrift store clothing… Anyways, that reminded me of a little “life tip” that I received a few years ago. My most favorite boss back in London once told me that the secret to being happy is to stop expecting everything in life to be exactly how you’ve always wanted it to be. That people are only depressed and bitter when they go through life, believing that fairy tales exist. Since I’m someone who prides themselves on never settling, I ignored that statement for awhile; but now, I think there’s a difference between settling and altering your expectations. Exhibit A:

Once upon a time, there was this guy who I thought was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. Seriously… the Statue of David had NOTHING on him. He was tall, dark, handsome, buff as hell– oh! And he was a combination jock/singer/really good dancer. Sure, he was five years older than me, but whatever. I wanted to marry that guy right then and there at the age of 12. And for the longest time, he was the standard to which I measured every other guy I met. That led to nothing but disappointment, since no guy I’ve met so far has ever looked as good as THAT guy did when I first saw him. Fast forward to today. I see Mister Right’s name pop up on Facebook randomly (I guess we have some mutual friends), so I click on his name to see if it was the same guy. Yep. Same gorgeous eyes, same smile. But there were about three extra chins. I guess over the past eleven years or so, my imaginary husband has packed on two…three hundred pounds…? And that sucks. For over a decade, I had this guy imprinted in my mind as the most perfect guy there could ever be, only for that vision of him to be ruined by reality, gravity, and probably a lot of Hostess cupcakes. In my mind, I have divorced him.

So why was I disappointed? Probably because I basically idolized some guy without realizing that life is a bitch and things aren’t always as good as they seem. Even when they ARE as good as they seem, things won’t necessarily stay that way forever. My boss, therefore, was right. You can’t expect perfection out of life or a single person, because you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Okay, maybe a tiny percentage of me still believes in that metaphorical knight in shining armor who rescues you from your horrible life and presents you with a pair of Manolo Blahnik strappy sandals, then whisks you away to a beach to play with dolphins (mind you, this is MY fairy tale… the islander version…). But being real, that’s never going to happen. Most straight guys don’t even know who Manolo Blahnik is. Sure, a lot of us girls would love a boyfriend/husband who does the extra “little” things to show that they care, or one who sends you flowers on special days (or just because they wanted to make you happy), or a guy who just gets it. But after so many years wishing for that kind of guy, I’ve realized that I need to stop hoping for all that. Since society has evolved, males have become such douche bags, that they are now considered to be exceptional partners as long as they don’t cheat, and as long as they remember to always wear deodorant– now THAT is depressing. Realistically, I could probably find a near-perfect guy who does romantic things on a daily basis… but they’ll probably already be in a relationship… with another guy. And the fact that I’ve received more flowers from guys who I did NOT ever date just shows that most guys will only try hard if they’re trying to get in your pants. So with that, I’ve decided to buy my own damn flowers and my own shiny designer shoes. That doesn’t mean I’m settling, because I’m still getting what I want– I’ve simply “lowered my expectations” a bit, since it is obvious that the only person a girl can depend on nowadays is herself. And if I keep setting myself up for disappointment and wait around for some guy to sweep me off my feet, then this is going to be me in ten years:

Women vs. Women

I recently read through the lyrics of Christina Aguilera’s song “Can’t Hold Us Down”, when I noticed something funny. Not funny as in “haha”, but funny as in “that ain’t right”. First of all, here are some of the words:

Verse…
So what am I not supposed to have an opinion
Should I keep quiet just because I’m a woman
Call me a bitch ’cause I speak what’s on my mind
Guess it’s easier for you to swallow if I sat and smile

When a female fires back
Suddenly big talker don’t know how to act
So he does what any little boy would do
Making up a few false rumors or two…

Chorus…
This is for my girls all around the world
Who have come across a man that don’t respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen not heard
So what do we do girls, shout louder.

Lettin’ ‘em know we’re gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands higher and wave ‘em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can’t hold us down

Obviously, the song is geared towards guys and the attitudes some of those cocky bastards cop whenever a woman is strong enough to speak up and stand up for herself. In my experience, however, this song can also be applied to another group of people– OTHER FEMALES. I’ll say it right now, I have received more flack, bitching, and tantrum-like behavior from other girls when I speak my mind than from guys. In fact, the guys that I talk to think it’s absolutely hilarious how straight-forward I can be, and that I don’t waste time sugar-coating anything. Honestly, something is disgustingly wrong with this picture. It seems as if women preach about how we need to be mentally and emotionally strong, be gutsy, have conviction in our beliefs, etc. But then once a woman actually DISPLAYS their strength, other females are quick to call her a bitch or write her off as having an attitude problem. So the reality of the situation is this: Sure, a lot of guys walk around thinking they’re God’s gift to women… even the ugly guys. A lot of WOMEN, however, are complete hypocrites who will automatically target any female who embodies strength, conviction, and courage. Why is that?

I remember when I was growing up, I didn’t have a backbone at all. I would let others abuse me, call me names, treat me badly, and I never spoke up. And then after all the adolescent teasing stopped, I STILL was pretty shy and quiet, slipping under the radar and often going unnoticed. But then I left the country for four years, was surrounded by fierce females, and finally found my imaginary balls. Now, I don’t take crap from anyone and I don’t put up with people who don’t make me happy, because life is too short for toxic friends, frenemies, or whatever else those horrible people are called. The thing is, I never had any real conflict with other females until I grew a backbone and began voicing my opinions and standing up for myself. Funny how that works, huh? Is it because I won’t stand there and let other girls accuse me of insane things that they have fabricated in their own psychotic minds? Is it because I will correct other girls if they say something that is blatantly wrong? Is it because I won’t allow myself to be a punching bag for those females who are too insecure to respect anyone else? I used to hear all these other girls who said “I don’t have many female friends, because girls tend to dislike me” and I would just assume they were stuck-up bitches or something like that. But now, I clearly see that it usually has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with the female population not being able to handle it when a woman practices what every female preaches. It has to do with women constantly turning on each other and, rather than supporting each others strengths or taking a hint and learning from the stronger women, they rip them apart like wild dogs. And we wonder why there hasn’t been a female president before?!

It has been like a slap in the face over the past month, learning the reality of this situation; and it’s a crying shame that so many females haven’t grasped the concept that actions speak louder than words. So props to Ms. Aguilera for bringing to attention the importance of women being able to speak up for themselves– and shame on those so-called “women” who cannot support those of us who choose to put female strength into action. If you’re going to call us a bitch for putting words into action and not accepting any crap from others, then I will absolutely wear the title “Bitch” with pride.

Gear Grinders

TOP TEN LIST: Things That Make Me Want To Roundhouse Kick Someone In The Stomach

#10. Flightiness

#9. Ignorant people who are content with being ignorant.

#8. The fact that movies such as “Avatar” will always gain more publicity and attention than movies such as “The Blind Side”, because people prefer fantasy, aliens, and bright colors to inspirational true stories about resilience, hope, and success.

#7. The phrases “hella” and “kick it”. Only on the west coast… *sigh*

#6. People who spend more time pitying themselves and wallowing in their own self-made misery, than helping others.

#5. Cheaters. Nothing but trash.

#4. Selfishness/self-entitlement.

#3. Shallow, immature girls with low IQs and fake boobs, who complain that they can’t find a genuine, intelligent, quality man. YA THINK???

#2. Delusional parents of any kind. Unfortunately, this applies to about 90% of today’s parents.

#1. Being underestimated. EX: After hearing my songs, some people have exclaimed “WOW! I never thought they’d be that amazing!” Ummmmm… why not? Also, if one more person tells me “follow your dreams” or “never settle”, I’m going to bust a cap. I’m obviously following my dreams. And I’ve never once settled in my life when it comes to getting something that I want. So yeah… take all of that, and put it somewhere else.